Lessons on Parenthood

With every piece of paper that I sign and move around, It dawns on me that is one step closer to being a parent. One step closer to having her home and step closer to making our family more complete.

But it dawns on me, she will not be mine entirely. She is being given, entrusted to us for a time being. She is not ours, but ours to raise as God calls us to raise her. The reality is she is HIS and HIS alone.

Yes, she is our daughter, yes we are working tirelessly to bring her into our home. But the reality is, not matter if a child comes from your womb or from someone else’s, when God says here, please take care and raise her up for me.

I found this in the bible today: “Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west”. Isaiah 43:5- That took my breath away

As I fill out what seems like the hundreds of pages, and get together the papers to be notarized and then eventually notarized three more times. The lengths that we have been called to go to be parents. I can’t imagine anyone going through this process and taking it for granted. I am going through this process thinking, Wow my child may already be sitting in an orphanage just waiting. Her birth mom may already be in the process of making the decision to say, she needs more than I can give. Both grieving a great loss.

I have heard from people over the past couple months, several comments. I hope that you get an infant, I hope that your child is normal or your adopted child will be so lucky. And my thoughts, are, we are fine with the age that is chosen for us, to us she will be completely normal, she is our child, no label of adopted will go before her and yes she will be lucky. Not because we are pumping ourselves up in regards to rescuing her, but God loves us enough to bring her to our family and loves her enough to entrust us with her.

Maybe this is what nesting is like for adoptive parents. I hear that right before a baby is born, Women tend to nest. Cleaning, organizing you name it. In a way we are doing that here. We have been cleaning up the house and yard for our home study. We have been cleaning out our stuff, not only to get rid of the excess but also in anticipation of our upcoming yard sale (More to come), and cleansing our hearts of the junk that does not need to be there. I almost feel like I am in constant training for preparation to be her mom, and I know that training will continue long after she is here.

As you can tell, this blog will be more than just, here is what we have next. It is a journey that we will be keeping for her. In hopes of being able to give her a glimpse of HER story.

Random thoughts as I sit with a mound of paper,

Much Love and Longing, Jennifer

Do you drink a cup of joe?

As we move forward with our adoption, we recognize, not only does it take a village to raise up a child, it will also take a village to bring this child home. I say this, without a doubt that our Father will provide in crazy ways. Ways that we cannot event imagine.

And then there will be some creative things that we do to get people involved. We have some ideas coming down the pipe for a use of spare change and even some BBQ. But for now lets spill some beans.

There is a great organization called Just Love Coffee.The are the only source of fair trade, direct trade organic coffee from all over the world. They also have a program for families that are adopting. By signing up with them and setting up a store front: https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/thebowdens/. With every purchase someone makes from our store (by the way, they take care of shipping and everything) we get back about 40%. So if you are into supporting the fair trade folks and want some good coffee, with every cup you drink, she is one step closer to to coming home.

Jen

Journey Nu`Er

There are many things that I think one can learn on the adoption journey. There are so many highs and lows.

This week I have been learning about grief, Yes grief. Years ago I had spent time as a grief counselor working with Children who had lost a parent or sibling. It was a very eye opening time. But grief encompasses so much more than just losing a loved one. You can grieve over someone breaking your heart, you can grieve over things not going your way.

We spent some time this week learning about grief during the adoption process.

The gracious birth mom will grieve at the choice to give up our daughter. She very well may think about her every year on her birthday.

Our daughter very well may spend time grieving at different parts of her life. She will grieve her care takers that she currently has and the home that she had in the orphanage, she may grieve her birth family and not knowing them. And there are so many moments that we have yet to know.

And then there is the grief that we, as the adoptive parents will grieve. Why you ask? Well there are many reasons. I grieve the infant that I will not have. Why? We will be adopting a child that is not an infant. The days of initial bonding that so many experience we will not. I will not experience what it is like to carry our child for 9 months. I have been told that I can’t have children. (And while I believe my God is big enough to change his mind) for right now that is where we are at. There is the grief that comes with the adoption process, waiting for someone to tell you that you are fit to be a parent, the grief that comes in the waiting.

But we are also realistic that there will be moments that there will be moments of joy. Joy when we get our documents in, and we eagerly wait for our referral. The moment when we get our referral and we anticipate going to meet her. Oh, and then the moment that I think about, when we meet her for the first time. Ahh, what a glorious day that will be.

So there you have it, what I have learned and processed through this week. We trust in the child that has been picked for our family, regardless if we even know who she is.

And to answer the questions of where we are going? After much prayer, we are journeying a little further east to China. Nu`Er if you wonder, means daughter.

Till next time,

Jennifer

My Own Adoption Story..... What????

Some of you are probably reading this and saying WHAT???? I know your parents, you were not adopted. While that is true from an earthly standpoint, there was an adoption that took place just about 10 years ago in a church in GA. An adoption that had far greater value on my eternity than anything else.

It also brought about a greater family, more than I could have ever imagined. Do not get me wrong, the family that I have is great. I love each one of them, but this adoption brought me into a family of brothers and sisters that I could never in a million years be able to count up. Brothers and sisters that would be there to see me through things, prayer, hold my hand, serve with and so on. And as we are adopting, God has been continually reminding me of my adoption story.

This following excerpt was posted by David Platt as he was in China adopting his little girl. I think it captures my story well.

“I am reminded as we go into tomorrow that the initiative for adoption obviously resides with a parent, not with a child. A child does not choose to initiate adoption; instead, a parent chooses to adopt a child. The same is true in spiritual adoption, as well. The Word is clear that in our sin, we were once children of wrath (Ephesians 2:3), alienated from God (Colossians 1:21) and totally unable to save ourselves from our sin in order to become His sons. Talk about special needs. Our minds were blinded (Romans 1:21-23), our emotions were disordered (Romans 1:26-27), our bodies were defiled (Romans 1:24-25), our wills were distorted (Romans 3:10-12), and our relationships were broken (James 4:1-4). We were slaves to sin (John 8:34), lovers of darkness (John 3:20), morally evil (Genesis 8:21), and spiritually lost (Luke 19:10). And the good news of the gospel is that God saw our need and initiated our adoption:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth (Ephesians 1:3-10).

Understanding this biblical foundation of spiritual adoption is critical for understanding the proper motivation for physical adoption. We have a tendency in our day to romanticize adoption, envisaging cute children around the world (both domestically and internationally) just waiting to be adopted. Obviously, they are all cute in their own ways, but they are also needy…and many of their needs are great.”

My needs were great. 10 years ago, I was floundering in a sea of what was next, saddened at the loss of my dear Grandmother, and really just searching for my greater purpose.

So you see, God saw my need and adopted me. I see the need, hear the call and seek out to adopt as well. It is a desire that has been instilled in me for a while now.

He continues on….

As a pastor of a church that is, by God’s grace, captivated by an adoptive culture, I have talked and prayed with countless parents who have fostered and/or adopted children with challenging needs. And the only sustainable motivation for these parents is the glorious reality of the gospel. What do you do when the child you adopted has fetal alcohol syndrome and can’t ever seem to sit still without throwing a tantrum? What happens when that child’s birth mother was addicted to crack cocaine and as a result, he or she has permanent brain damage that affects their behavior for the rest of their life, and in turn their teenage years turn into a living nightmare for you, for them, and for your entire family? What happens when the years that child has spent in an institutional orphanage by themselves causes them to not know how to even begin to receive love, so that every time you try to show love, they resist it? What happens when the child you adopt is dangerous?

Mere altruism will not sustain you in situations like these. Only the gospel will. Because in the gospel, you are reminded on a daily basis that there was a day when you were a child of wrath, filled with evil desires, totally unable to control your sinfulness, and desperately in need of Savior, and God reached down His hand of mercy past the depth of your wickedness in order to adopt you as His own. When there was no initiative to draw you to Him, He initiated a relationship with you. So now, when you see a child with minor or major needs, you reach out to that child, simply because you realize you are that child. I can’t improve here upon the words of my friend, Russell Moore, who wrote a wonderful book called Adopted for Life. He wrote:

Imagine for a moment that you’re adopting a child. As you meet with the social worker in the last stage of the process, you’re told that this 12-year-old has been in and out of psychotherapy since he was three. He persists in burning things, and attempting repeatedly to skin animals alive. He “acts out sexually,” the social worker says, although she doesn’t really fill you in on what that means. She continues with a little family history. This boy’s father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfather all had histories of violence, ranging from spousal abuse to serial murder. Each of them ended their own lives. Think for a minute. Would you want this child? If you did adopt him, wouldn’t you watch nervously as he played with your other children? Would you watch him nervously as he looks at the knife on the kitchen table? Would you leave the room as he watched a movie on TV with your daughter, with the lights out?

And then Dr. Moore writes:

Well he’s you. And he’s me. That’s what the Gospel is telling us.

My goal is certainly not to paint a grim picture of adoption, and many children in foster and/or adoption situations are perfectly healthy. But adoption is not easy, and children are indeed needy. It’s important to realize, then, that we adopt not because we are rescuers. No, we adopt because we are the rescued. And in this way, the gospel uniquely portrays, compels, and ultimately sustains adoption.

The journey that Michael and I are on seem to be taking a different path that WE had anticipated. Notice the emphasis on WE. This is not about us, it is about our Dad working. We did indeed thought we had picked a location that we were being lead to, but that indeed may be changing. I hope to be able to let you know in the next couple of weeks where that may be leading us. No worries, we are still adopting, that is not the question, but the question might more so be where. It seems that the government in Russia is taking a harder stance on adoption, which may force the need for a change.

People has been asking us, what have you been doing in the way of the adoption. Well we have been saving like mad people. We know that our next step is a home study, and regardless of where we are lead to, once that is complete then we will need to be able to make our first payment to the agency. By the grace of God we have met that goal. There will be some fun ways people can get involved coming down the pipe, but in the mean time, please be praying for us as we make this decision.

With Love, Jennifer

There is this lady

There is this lady that I know.....

She is one that is part of a family that I was given as a gift. One that became a grandma in my heart. One that I kept in contact with through phone and email. One that I would visit when I went to FL. One that I

spent many family filled Christmas's with. One that always supported me in any adventure that I was taking. One who sent me her angel pin from a surgery that she had over 10 years ago for my first surgery. (That angel has now traveled the world with me along with a few hospital trips).

One that I had the pleasure of visitng in NC several times. One that I had a conversation on the porch overlooking the mountains about the things of life last year. Where I have been and the dreams that I had for the future. One that I got to see her heart for her family and for her faith. That time forever etched and cherished in my heart. A conversation between a Grandmother an Granddaughter.

One that I think about will not get to see so many things happen hear on this earth. See my children come home from Russia just to think of one of hundreds.

One now that I will travel to say goodbye to. Although this is not really good-bye, but I will see you someday when I too get called home.

Grandma Babe you are loved and will be

missed.

Moving forward

So graduation has come and gone. Michael in his desire to get his degree finished took his last 5 classes all in one semester. It was a great day of celebration with family and friends. Relishing is what has been completed, the accomplishments and dreaming about what is next for our family.

And tonight, on this glorious Christmas night I am sitting in a hotel room, on our way to a week away in a cabin in TN. Spending some much needed time together. Reflecting on time with my family and friends, time celebrating our Lord's birth and looking to what is in store for us next year. We checked our email tonight and found a huge surprise. Our adoption agency sends out weekly updates on what is happening within Russian adoption. Since Russia has signed a new agreement with the States for adoptions, there have been some rules that have been changing. For example, making two trips is a necessary requirement. The first trip is to go meet your child and make sure it is a good match, and the second trip is for your court date and to finalize the adoption. This trip was supposed to last about 3 weeks to allow for a 10 day waiting period to take place as required by Russian law. To our surprise, it appears that the Russian law will be changing. Changing so much that they are talking about having parents now make 3 trips... count that three trips. Due to the fact that there will now be a 30 day waiting period. 3 trips or 40+ days in Russia is what we are currently looking at now. Of course, not all the logistics are out, there are many questions to be answered. But my prayer is that the courts for the time being do not change this law. I can't imagine meeting my children and leaving them once, let alone twice.

Then I reflect on what it is we are celebrating today. Today a baby was born in a manger. The mother, Mary humbly accepted what God had given her, her calling if you would. To bring the Saviour into this world. She accepted it with no hesitation (from what we can tell in the Bible) accepted it with a pure and willing heart.

Luke 1:38 ³⁸ “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

And that was simply it, I am the servant and I accept. Amazing. It dawned on me as I wrestle with these thoughts about our own adoption, the implications on time, cost and so on. I am the Lord's servant, and I accept. Not so easy coming from my mouth. Our journey to adoption has not been an easy one. The road so far has been filled with stalls from health problems and the need to allow school to be finished and the struggles of moving through this process. We have been supported by some and not so much by others. But we press on, working on our home study for January, hopefully to have paper work shortly turned in sometime after that. And then we wait for our referral. It will be a process until the day we get our child(ren) home. Not to mention the process of raising them. And yet, my prayer is that my heart is able to say I accept..... Thank you for praying for us and sharing in this journey. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

It has been a while......

Yes, it has been a while. We have been a bit busy in the recent months. We have moved, and have been working, and working to get our home ready for our home study. Michael has also been working extremely hard this semester to finish school. School you ask?

Shortly after we got married, Michael felt the call to go back and finish his degree. It was something that he has been wanting to do for a number of years and never completed. So, for the past 18 months, he has been putting in many, many hours to get his degree done. He will be graduating this Saturday from Clayton State University. I know God will do great things through his effort and his obedience to finish. I am excited to see what is next for our family in this way. I will have more to post about the adoption this weekend.... Exciting things are happening.