One year ago.... YES

One year ago tomorrow, Michael’s leg was broken, I had just had surgery about 10 days before, and we were sitting in the orthopedics office waiting to see if Michael could start PT. It had been a long start to the fall. I remember staring into the PT room, praying that he could go in there, and the phone rang from our adoption agency. I hung up, and looked at Michael “Here we go, another 72 hour window”. This was not our first go at it. We had been sent files before of sweet little faces, with 72 hrs to decided if they would make us a family of three. We had been clearly told, that those sweet faces were a no (for more reasons than I have space to mention. The First No, here you can see just how heavy our hearts were.)

We opened the email together, and my heart fluttered. And right away we knew, this sweet little face was our girl. We had 72 hours to write a letter back to the government to say yes. The day we said yes.

She was beaming with joy, In fact her name meant Happy Autumn and we indeed used Joy as her middle name. She was a ray of sunshine, just when the wait was intense and hard. We had battled for almost 25 months to be a family of three.

And one year later, she has been home a little over 7 months and lives up to every bit of her name. She truly is a ray of sunshine in our lives and we are ever so thankful for her. She has changed a lot!!! To say the least. Growing in English everyday, learning new activities, loves going to church, love her family, animals, playing, singing and dancing. She has hit some great milestones that we have had the pleasure of witnessing in these short months that we have been together.

For those who read and are still in the waiting process, we get it. I can’t even begin to tell you how much we get it. There is such a sweet reward at the end of the wait, that will make it seem like it was nothing in the end. We sit here tonight and marvel at what our Heavenly Father entrusted us with and  the lengths HE went to make it happen.

Enjoy the pics,

 Jennifer

Could it be........

A few weeks ago someone said to me, “Man you are really lucky not to be pregnant and have pregnancy wreak havoc on your body”. And my answer back was “Adoption does just the same. May not be all physical, but the emotional toll is just as great, and lasts way longer.” And the truth in that reared it’s ugly head in our house this week.

I even hesitate to write about this knowing, that It is a tender issue in which many people might have an opinion. I have learned as I have talked with other adoptive mom’s and it is not as uncommon as I thought it could be. After a day or two of extreme anxiety, sadness, worry and all of the emotions that go with having children, I think I have come to a sense a peace with it.

When we were in China, everyone we met with asked for our email, wanting to keep in touch and see how she is doing. We really didn’t expect much contact as the officials and such are really not going to email us. However on a monthly basis we have been receiving emails from the main caretaker that took care of Hosanna while she was in the orphanage. Let me take a step back….. When we were at the orphanage, there was a clear and definitive connection between the two of them that went deep. I could see it in the way Hosanna was held, coddled, and the grief on this persons face as we drove away. All of us had a sense that the connection was deeper than just a care taker. There is clear resemblance in the pictures and we have poured over them in the past couple of months. And so, When we were emailed this past week, I had the courage to ask the question, “Are you related?” and the answer of YES left us speechless.

Now, I have asked the follow-up question as to the relation. Not to sure if we will receive an answer or not, But in my heart I know what it more than likely is. And because there are parts of my girls story that we are going to keep private, that relationship will not be shared in this format. However, the YES for her parents has definitely tugged at our hearts big time.

The first and foremost question I needed answered from our social worker, “Could they stake a claim to her” The answer is no. Once we hit US soil there is nothing that they can do. That brought a huge sense of relief. One of the things with international adoption that is so freeing is the lack of chance/ none at all of a family member coming back to stake claim to that child. The entire 12 days we were in China we felt like we were always being watched. Thankful that feeling went away when we came home, however it returned for a short while this weekend.   And then my heart began to race, is the story of her finding and such really true, or indeed did her family member walk her into the orphanage? Oh my gosh, they watched us walk out with her, knowing they would never see her again! And then of course 1,000 questions that I am dying to ask if given the chance about my girl.

And on the flip side, how do we tell our girl someday? Knowing what we know, I cannot in good conscience hide this from her and will not. One thing we decided early on, was to be honest with her about her story from the beginning. How is this going to effect her? What will she think? All of those questions, will not be answered for sometime, but they still carry a weight.

So through the sadness of some of this, there was also a sense of relief, through the adoption, I had prayed for any thing that we could give Hosanna to piece together her past when she was old enough. And look at the piece that we got for her. It is a relationship that we will hopefully be able to maintain. But it is also one that comes with boundaries. From my professional experience I can tell that this person is not grieving well. And so our contact will become less frequent for a season. Not so much to punish, but to allow them time to process. They need it.

We do not feel at this time to do any DNA testing as some have recommended. And we will not be calling the adoption agency, despite what some believe. Knowing what I know about China, The implications on this person will be far greater than any that we experience here. And because Michael and I know how to set boundaries, we can maintain in a healthy way.

In turn, I have had the capability to really reflect on the treasure that we were handed back in March. We got our referral on October 28^th as we sat in the Orthopedic office waiting to find out when Michael will start walking again from his broken leg, I was 12 days post op from my surgery, we were tired to say the least, and there on this email was a beacon of sunshine that we had been praying for and knew was ours. I still have nothing but thankfulness in my heart for her family and the choices they made along with the lengths they went to, in order to make sure she was cared for.

So I sit here and write, thankful for answered prayers. Not necessarily answered in the way that I thought, But answered.

Jennifer

Some big milestones

This month has held some big milestones for us. Our girl turned 3 on the 8^th. It was more than likely the first birthday that she has ever had we made sure it was special. The night before Michael and I decorated the house for her and had her gifts waiting. We even decorated the hallway from her room to the living room. Then when she got up the next morning, she was so excited. She let out this little shirk of joy and the smile on her face was beyond words. While she has no clue what a birthday is, she knew this day was about her.

Then over the weekend we had her birthday/welcome home celebration. We had over 60 people at our house to celebrate with us the fact that she was home and it was her

birthday. There were so many more that we wanted to invite, but the guest list was so large to begin withJ As we went through this guest list, we marveled at the fact of just how many people walked this road with us in our immediate view, that does not mention the countless that were out of state and even out of the country. We had a blast! And I think the best part was watching people who struggled with the fact that we asked for no gifts. Several reasons for this, but the biggest was she would have been so incredibly overwhelmed. But also, we do not want to raise our kid in a way where she becomes so worldly with stuff, so we asked for no gifts. A few people snuck them in, and we opened them up over the course on Sunday and Monday.

And then Monday, the 16^th, we celebrated being a family of three for 6 months. I marvel at the fact that it has only been a few short months. Hosanna is growing like crazy, adding another inch to the already 2 she grew since we have been back, and is topping out at a 10lb weight gain. She has a 40 word or so English vocabulary and is adding words each and every day. She is eating pretty much everything that we put in front of her with the exception of green things. She is sleeping through the night for the most part. She is full of a song constantly, singing and making us giggle. We have also gotten to the point where I can come and go (with some explanation) and it is not a major meltdown. We have also gotten to where she is going into kids church along with a few other kid activities during the week without any major set backs, in fact she is thriving in each and every situation. So over all she is doing great.

The Day we met

There of course, are some things that we are still working through. There is some regressing that we are experiencing, which is very normal for kids who have been adopted. There is also the constant reminder that I have to give myself, which age wise she is 3, but she is not at the normal 3 year old level on some things. It is just something that we have to keep in the back of our minds and occasionally have to justify to people for her. Someone told me shortly before we traveled to China, that I should consider this survival mode, do not try to institute so much at once. And added that the first 6 months will more than likely be survival mode. They were so right, I am just starting to feel like I am getting solid feet on the ground and finding some kind of semblance to my life.  It was by far the best advice that I had gotten and have held on to it.

We have also had a role change in the house, I became a stay at home mom full time. On August 25^th I left my role at LDI to just be “mom”. And while, I cannot say that I have found my grove with it, or that it feels normal, or I am even fully enjoying it, It is what she needs. After 17 years in the full time work world, this transition has been hard for me. It is not because I do not like my daughter or anything odd like that, it is just a hard transition. But I am thankful. Thankful that we worked out tails off to be in this spot. Thankful that I have a husband who is willing to work his tail off so that we can live this way. I have no clue how long this season will last, but I know it is right where I need to be for right now.

So there you have 6 months. We have learned a tremendous amount in these short 6 months. Excited for what the road has ahead.

Jennifer

Tomorrow we are 3!!!!!

There is much excitement in this house tonight, we put our girl to bed a little bit early, and decorated for her big day tomorrow. She will be turning 3. For weeks I have spent time cutting Mickey Mouse (referred to as Hot Dog in our house) in anticipation of our girls day. When you think, this is more than likely the first birthday for her that will be celebrated. I am very very excited for her to get up in the morning and for us to celebrate, but this has also become a processing moment for me.

There are several angles that my thoughts are wondering to.

First- Her first two years of life were very very full. She was born, and abandoned. She went to live in an orphanage. And for the next 29 months she lived there, with 200 other children and taken care of by one specific nanny along with a team of other people coming in and out. Her disability was never really addressed, and so she lived with one arm, learned how to adapt. Then we showed up. She was exposed to so many new things. A mom and dad, new food, feeding herself, new clothes, Dr’s, government offices, planes rides, feeding fish, being in a stroller, car seat, new citizenship, a new house, new bed, a room not filled with children, new toys, playing by herself, watching mom make dinner, the store, new family members, learning how to use her arm, new language, etc…. By this exhaustive list you get the picture. She left every OUNCE of what she knew as normal, for this new life. All before the age of 30 months. I am looking forward (Lord willing) to her next years in life not being as traumatizing. To where we can really walk through some of the above with her, process with her, and watch her grow.

Then there is me, I am a mom of a 3 year old, a 3 year old that I go almost 6 months ago. There is a bit of time missing there with her. And, there are days where I grieve that (it comes in waves) There are so many moments and days where I wish we would have had her early. That some of the things she experienced, I had wished I would have been there to see. Momentous occasions like first steps, first words….. You get the picture. But I am reminded, as a dear friend wrote to me not all that long ago, While I did not get to see those moments, they were seen, by the one who created her. They are not lost, and just the like the days previous to ours with her, the future is already written as well. Psalms 139 is something I read daily not just for myself, but for my girl.

Her birth Mom- Some people have said, how horrible she was to give her up. And, I have to honestly say I do not think so. I think, in hindsight, there are many other choices she could have made, abortion, putting her in a dumpster etc… Use your imagination. I am so incredibly thankful to this woman that I will never meet. She chose to give life, she chose to put her in a place where she would be found. Because of those choices we are a family. If she had changed any moment of her actions, we may not have Hosanna. So, I think about her this day and wonder if she thinks of her. Wonder how she processes knowing there is a little girl out there, produced from her womb but no longer in her care. I wonder if she thinks about the moments that she is missing, milestones, achievements, fun and snuggles. And I am sure, some are reading this thinking, she should be wondering. But that is not how it was designed so long ago. When the world was created, God did not create it with the mindset, Let me create a world with broken families, millions of kids should be parentless, kids should be abandoned, marriages should break up, and that is just scratching the surface of the craziness we see. So to her birth mom, I say thank you! The little gal you chose to allow us to have through your actions is doing amazing. And while I know that she is grieving you and all that she has been through, I am so thankful I was chosen to be her mom and given the opportunity to love her as long as is allowed.

I am excited to celebrate with my girl tomorrow and this week. We painstakingly took time picking out just the birthday gifts for our girl that she would love. We have a party planned for her on Saturday that is both a birthday and  a Welcome home. It is soooooo time to celebrate with all of those (that are local) who took part in bringing her home. Who prayed, Donated time, money, things, who were part of Team Baby Bowden. (those of you who are not local, you will be missed). It is time to throw down and celebrate just what has happened in our family.

We are about to hit the 6 month mark of being home….

Jennifer

The pictures below are from our house tonight, decorated and waiting for a certain 3 year old tomorrow. Each part you see here, minus the balloons were hand made by me.