T minus three days

T minus three days……

In three days I will be having the most life changing surgery I have had. Out of the 7 times I have been put under, this by far, will change my life forever.

It has been a whirlwind of thoughts over the past two months since we made the decision. There have been times of complete unrest in my heart about it. I was so focused on the  I will never get to…. That I was full of sadness. I was focused on the I will never shop for maternity clothes, never hold my newborn, never know what my child would like look, never be able to do some crazy pregnancy announcement to my family, never know what it is like to have someone kick me from the inside. Never have the joy of seeing my husband hold his infant for the first time etc…. You name it I rode the gammed of emotions.

But My Jesus is incredible. He has walked this rode with me reminding me all the way that I have had a ton of the “I never thought moments”. I know what my child looks like (this cute Asian gal), I got to make a great announcement to my family with a sweet picture of a smiling child, I know what is like to endure the kicks for 30 months in my heart. And then there was a moment from last Sunday at church, I was really saying, Lord is this what you say is next?? And then, there was a nugget of goodness that reached my soul. “I opened your womb, it just came through your heart, and I will do it again”. That is what peace that surpasses understanding looks like.

I can honestly say, I am looking forward to Monday in some ways. We are walking in complete faith that this will be it, God will heal, eradicate this wretched disease. We are walking in faith that once the recovery is over, I will not live in constant pain. We are walking in faith that our family is suppose to be completely built through adoption. And, although some think that we are missing out on not giving birth, we do not see it that way. We see it as an opportunity to have our minds and heart stretched beyond imagination.  And, I am grateful that God protected me from making having a baby an idol. It is not my identity. I am not incomplete because I have not. I am complete because of Him.

So a few prayer requests for those who pray……

·      * Monday morning at 7:30 they will roll me into the OR. Prayer for the surgeon, the team there, my husband as he sits and waits and our girl. Surgery can be anywhere from 2-several hours.

·      * If all goes as planned, we will be released early Tuesday morning. So pray that all can go as plannedJ

·      * Pray for the people who have graciously come forward and are watching our girl. Pray for her anxiety level as she knows something is going on.

·      * Pray for recovery, especially that the hormone levels get in check as quickly as possible.

·      * Pray for my husband, he will carry a heavy load over the next few weeks while working still.

·      * Pray for the woman somewhere in this world, who is the birth mother to my next child. Because of her and her selfless choice, I will be a mom again.

We are humbled by the support of friends and family. The meals, rides, calls, texts that we have already gotten and continue to come are just an example of radical love by others.

“For we walk by faith and not by sight” 2 Corinthians 5:7

Jennifer