Labels…. We all
have them. Some can be as simple as son, daughter, mother, father, aunt, uncle
etc. Some come with relationships as they expand, friend, accountability
partner, believer. And then others come from other people, they can be helpful,
and they can be hurtful. There is one label this past year that I have worn,
one that I have not talked about much, one that I have struggled fitting into
and frankly one that I never thought I would wear: Stay at Home Mom.
It was one year
ago I walked out of the doors of a place that I loved to be. From a job that I
treasured. A job that was stretching and rewarding at the same time. One, where
a ton of work happened on my heart. One, where my GA family was formed. One,
that I toyed with for weeks about letting go of. And so, we made the decision
for me to go, it would be best for our girl, best for the attachment, best for
our family. A decision that we worked very hard to get to. I walked out of
those doors grateful for my time, grateful for all God did in my heart through
that place, and became a stay at home mom. Another great unknown.
I haven’t talked
much about this transition this year. I have been more focused on really
processing through our adoption. Being real despite how people judge me to be.
But this…. It was a HARD transition.
It is funny, when
most people ask me about it, the usual statement is “you are so lucky”. “that
would be my dream”. Yes I am lucky! I don’t discount that one bit, however I
think the rose colored glasses are present in those comments. This by far has
been one of my hardest jobs I have ever had.
Finding the
healthy balance for self-care VS care of my home. Balance with relationships
outside of my house and having the energy to maintain. Trying to break into the
at home mommy crowd.
Being creative
with my time at home with her, to engage, educate, love, grow and shape. Walking
with her through the wee hours of nightmares and such. While maintaining a
home, finding therapy, Dr. visits etc. To me it would have been way easier to
be at the officeJ
And yet, it has
been one of my most rewarding jobs. I am glad that I had the time to do the leg
work to find her a good therapist. I am glad that I had the time to adjust with
her. I am glad we have had the time to play. It is funny, now that she is in
school for three days a week people ask “What are you going to do with
yourself?” People she is in school for 3 hours a day. Not like it is all day. I
certainly do not sit home and eat bon bons all day.
I since have
gotten a little part time job. Partly because I needed the interaction and
partly because my girl and her dad needed some time alone, I have gained a new
perspective on work. If I am not happy doing it, it is not worth being away
from my family. I am thankful for this little gig I have. It has provided for
us in incredible ways. It has been a good stretch for Hosanna and a good stretch
for me.
Hitting the year
mark, I realize this is one label that I wear with pride, and a grateful heart.
I recognize that not everyone gets to be in this spot. It doesn’t make anyone
more of a mom or less than a mom. In the end we are all mom’s one in the same.
Our offices just might look a little bit different.
Jennifer
