T minus three days……
In three days I will be having the most life changing
surgery I have had. Out of the 7 times I have been put under, this by far, will
change my life forever.
It has been a whirlwind of thoughts over the past two
months since we made the decision. There have been times of complete unrest in
my heart about it. I was so focused on the
I will never get to…. That I was full of sadness. I was focused on the I
will never shop for maternity clothes, never hold my newborn, never know what
my child would like look, never be able to do some crazy pregnancy announcement
to my family, never know what it is like to have someone kick me from the
inside. Never have the joy of seeing my husband hold his infant for the first
time etc…. You name it I rode the gammed of emotions.
But My Jesus is incredible. He has walked this rode
with me reminding me all the way that I have had a ton of the “I never
thought moments”. I know what my child looks like (this cute Asian gal), I got
to make a great announcement to my family with a sweet picture of a smiling
child, I know what is like to endure the kicks for 30 months in my heart. And
then there was a moment from last Sunday at church, I was really saying, Lord
is this what you say is next?? And then, there was a nugget of goodness that
reached my soul. “I opened your womb, it just came through your heart, and I
will do it again”. That is what peace that surpasses understanding looks like.
I can honestly say, I am looking forward to Monday in
some ways. We are walking in complete faith that this will be it, God will
heal, eradicate this wretched disease. We are walking in faith that once the
recovery is over, I will not live in constant pain. We are walking in faith
that our family is suppose to be completely built through adoption. And,
although some think that we are missing out on not giving birth, we do not see
it that way. We see it as an opportunity to have our minds and heart stretched
beyond imagination. And, I am grateful
that God protected me from making having a baby an idol. It is not my identity.
I am not incomplete because I have not. I am complete because of Him.
So a few prayer requests for those who pray……
· * Monday morning at 7:30 they will
roll me into the OR. Prayer for the surgeon, the team there, my husband as he
sits and waits and our girl. Surgery can be anywhere from 2-several hours.
· * If all goes as planned, we will
be released early Tuesday morning. So pray that all can go as plannedJ
· * Pray for the people who have
graciously come forward and are watching our girl. Pray for her anxiety level
as she knows something is going on.
· * Pray for recovery, especially
that the hormone levels get in check as quickly as possible.
· * Pray for my husband, he will
carry a heavy load over the next few weeks while working still.
· * Pray for the woman somewhere in
this world, who is the birth mother to my next child. Because of her and her
selfless choice, I will be a mom again.
We are humbled by
the support of friends and family. The meals, rides, calls, texts that we have
already gotten and continue to come are just an example of radical love by
others.
“For we walk by
faith and not by sight” 2 Corinthians 5:7
Jennifer
