Jenny.........

There is only one person on this earth that I ever let call me Jenny. That was long before the movie Forest Gump came out. And to this day, She is the only one that will ever have permission to call me Jenny.

She and I had all kinds of adventures together. When I was little she would pick me up in her Buick Regal that was various shades of gray due to all the touch up paint. We would play the A track player and hang on for dear life because of the way she drove. She would come to my other grandparents house and my grandfather would scare her so that she would sleep with her purse and clothes on. (He of course was only kidding)

I always got a pack of M&M’s in cards from her for every occasion. When I was driving, I would load her up along with her oxygen tank and wheel chair and we would head out on adventures to Publix and the mall for random things like sewer cream. (Some of you can translate). She would call me to say she had college money and I would show up to a zip lock bag full of penniesJ We would do our nails together and talk about life. She would not eat all day if she knew she was going to Red Lobster and never missed Bingo for anyone.

She made me pink stuff but most of all loved me unconditionally. She did not have an easy life. A lot of it she would not talk about much because of the pain. She was a nurse, a mother, and a beloved grandmother.

10 years ago at 4pm on April 12^th (Little did I know at the time) but I had the honor of holding her hand and walking her home. I remember every detail of that day. Down to what God did in the moment she left. What happened with the lady in the bed next to her. Those are details I would forever treasure in my heart. It was the beginning of my journey to the Lord, not long after her passing I had accepted HIM into my heart.

And yes it was an honor. Not everyone gets to walked their loved ones home. I have had the honor now of doing it twice and although the alternative of having them here would be better, having the privilege of loving them through that is an Honor to be chosen for.

I think of her often, our adventures together, the things that she is missing, the emptiness in my wedding pictures without her small frame there. But I also think about the glory that she must be experiencing sitting at the right hand of Christ. That is enough to make me smile and hold the hope of seeing her again someday.

Grandma Rollers you are missed greatly, deeply loved and thought about often.

(The picture at the top is the only picture I have of her and Michael together. 14 years ago at my sister's wedding.)

The Chair

When we began this process, Michael and I both agreed that we were not going to put any kid/baby furniture into the room until we got our referral. We did not want to sit for months and months staring at furniture for a little one that is not here. It would be too heart breaking for me. (but of course when we get our referral, game on)

So instead currently, that room is actually holding someone else’s furniture in an attempt to help some friends out. But this past weekend we were gifted with a rocking chair. Not just any rocking chair, but a glider with all kinds of cushy padding. And so as we drove home with this unexpected blessing I wondered what we were going to do with it. Where would it go until early next year (with fingers crossed).

I sat the chair against the wall this week, and contemplated the significance of it. (We had been joking this weekend with our friends about them being able to come and visit it:)) In this chair, three very special boys were rocked, fed and read to. I love you’s were shared in abundance , prayers were prayed and probably even answered. Songs were sung, you get the picture. This chair is so filled with love, joy, peace, and memories.

And so, we will begin to use this chair for our own memories. It currently sits in our bedroom. I will blog from this chair, pray for her, journal to her and so on. And once we have a notion of who she is, then it will make its pilgrimage to her room.

It is so odd, I was thinking and dreaming, would I even have an opportunity to rock my child, is that something she would be too old for or would want? I guess God answered that prayer in his own way with providing us a rocking chair. Yes there will be a little one to rock, just keep going.

Love, Jennifer