Yes the blog has been silent for a couple of weeks. There
are so many things that I wanted to blog about, but not too sure what people
might want to hear or what some might think. So many days have passed and
things have happened.
Let me preface this post by saying God has really imparted
on Michael and I to use this process for his Glory. In whatever shape or form
that would come in. When we first began this journey, He made it clear that he
was going to do more than just bring a little girl home. He was going to
change, heal, recreate and alter our lives. And because of that, we are taking
our time with this process. Yes we are adopting but, it is not on our time
(like I wish it was) but on his. Although
the human longing has not changed.
Adoption is not something that you decide in a nonchalant
way. It is not something that you do for the purpose of bringing yourself glory
or making you look good in front of people. It is because you are called. And
that is the only thing, when things get tough or hard that will get you
through.
There have been two significant holiday’s that have passed
this year. Both have new meanings for me. First off, the day before Mother’s
day is called Birth Mother’s Day. This began in the 1990’s by a group of
Seattle Birth Mom’s. I had no clue that this holiday existed until this
year. But on that day, I found
myself praying for the women who made the decision to have my little girl and
place her up for adoption. That is something that should be honored. If it were
not for this woman, our family would not be growing. I will probably never know
her, but the sacrifice that she has made, is one that I could never imagine
making and I am eternally grateful for.
Ahhh and then there is Mother’s Day. There was one point in my twenties, where
Mother’s Day would roll around and I would be disappointed because I was not a
mom. Sure I would have fun celebrating with my mom or other mom’s but I was
told that I should be a mom. What a worldly view I had.
And now, I am in my 30’s and still childless. I will admit,
I really struggled with Mother’s day this year. The human side of me got in the
way of, “I am in my 30’s and not a mom.” In my mind, people question why I am not a mom. Case in
point, went to Old Navy on Mother’s day weekend. I walked in and the sales girl
said “Happy Mother’s Day, here is a rose for all of our moms. And I said, “Well
I am sorry, I am not a mom.” “Well you look old enough to be.” Number one,
please teach that gal some tact, number 2, maybe I am too old to be shopping at
Old Navy.
Sure Michael and I celebrated with our mom’s in the way that
was suitable, but there was still this longing . As I processed, I knew that Mother’s
Day is so different when you are adopting. And have no children yet There is nothing to see to show that you
are expecting. Women who are pregnant it is obvious, but for those who are not,
let’s face it, you do not walk around with a suitcase full of the paperwork
that you are working on.
The idea of going to church this year was hard as well. (Now
I preface by saying that I have no clue what happened in our church service
this year because I did not go. It actually worked out with the timing of when
we had to be somewhere to celebrate with one of our mom’s). But frankly I did
not want to go.
Since I began going to church 10 + years ago, on Mother’s
Day, all the mom’s were invited to stand in honor of the day, which is very
fitting. But I got to thinking, at one point does one stand? It is when they
are pregnant? When they are actually holding their little one? What about the
woman who had a miscarriage this year and should really be a mom at this time? A
woman who grieves the loss of a child? A woman who grieves the loss of her own
mom and wants to honor her? I found this blog and it so said what I was
thinking……. The writer was writing a letter to Pastors about why standing in
Church on Mother’s Day could be a bit awkward for some. She pays homage to the
wide continuum of mothering that takes place in this world.
Acknowledge
the wide continuum of mothering.
To those who
gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you
To those who
lost a child this year – we mourn with you
To those who are
in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains –
we appreciate you
To those who
experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running
away—we mourn with you
To those who
walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and
disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We
don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are
foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who
have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who
have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with
you
To those who
lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who
experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your
experience
To those who
lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of
motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who
will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
And to those who
are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with
you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with
you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our
midst. We remember you.
For those of you who know me, you know where my heart lies, it is
resting or wrestling in the will of my Father. And ,there is nowhere else I would rather be. I will admit,
I have asked several times over the past few months, exactly why we are in this
place. There is not one person on
this earth who could understand why we are in this place, and that is because
it was created especially for us. Part of my Dad’s plan for my life. And, while there are some women I talk
with who have experienced infertility, it is still a struggle to be there. But yet, I know (oddly enough) I am
right where I am supposed to be. That is a hard thing to admit and sobering
knowing I did not put myself there but I am here because of the bigger picture.
On some side notes, Michael and I have been praying about an
international service opportunity together. Something that we have talked about
even before we got married and one has come up. J We are in the process of raising support
to go on a service trip to East Asia. (You all know the country, just playing
it safe) It will happen the last week in July. Please be praying for us in
regards to this trip. It will be the first opportunity for Michael to
experience the culture that I have fell in love with and that has become a
second home for me.
So as you can see we are working. Our home study paper work is moving
along, although the 19 + attachments that came across my email were a bit
overwhelming. We can talk about those another time.
Oh and if you were wondering what the Amazon link is on our blog… Well
Amazon has a great opportunity for folks like ourselves to raise some funds for
our adoption. If you use our link provided it will take to the Amazon home page
coded for us. You can proceed as normal. 4% of your purchase will go towards
our adoption. Every little bit counts to get her home.
Thank you for walking this journey along side us…….
Jennifer
