Silence can be golden and eye opening......

Yes the blog has been silent for a couple of weeks. There are so many things that I wanted to blog about, but not too sure what people might want to hear or what some might think. So many days have passed and things have happened.

Let me preface this post by saying God has really imparted on Michael and I to use this process for his Glory. In whatever shape or form that would come in. When we first began this journey, He made it clear that he was going to do more than just bring a little girl home. He was going to change, heal, recreate and alter our lives. And because of that, we are taking our time with this process. Yes we are adopting but, it is not on our time (like I wish it was) but on his.  Although the human longing has not changed.

Adoption is not something that you decide in a nonchalant way. It is not something that you do for the purpose of bringing yourself glory or making you look good in front of people. It is because you are called. And that is the only thing, when things get tough or hard that will get you through.

There have been two significant holiday’s that have passed this year. Both have new meanings for me. First off, the day before Mother’s day is called Birth Mother’s Day. This began in the 1990’s by a group of Seattle Birth Mom’s. I had no clue that this holiday existed until this year.  But on that day, I found myself praying for the women who made the decision to have my little girl and place her up for adoption. That is something that should be honored. If it were not for this woman, our family would not be growing. I will probably never know her, but the sacrifice that she has made, is one that I could never imagine making and I am eternally grateful for.

Ahhh and then there is Mother’s Day.  There was one point in my twenties, where Mother’s Day would roll around and I would be disappointed because I was not a mom. Sure I would have fun celebrating with my mom or other mom’s but I was told that I should be a mom. What a worldly view I had.

And now, I am in my 30’s and still childless. I will admit, I really struggled with Mother’s day this year. The human side of me got in the way of, “I am in my 30’s and not a mom.”  In my mind, people question why I am not a mom. Case in point, went to Old Navy on Mother’s day weekend. I walked in and the sales girl said “Happy Mother’s Day, here is a rose for all of our moms. And I said, “Well I am sorry, I am not a mom.” “Well you look old enough to be.” Number one, please teach that gal some tact, number 2, maybe I am too old to be shopping at Old Navy.

Sure Michael and I celebrated with our mom’s in the way that was suitable, but there was still this longing . As I processed, I knew that Mother’s Day is so different when you are adopting. And have no children yet  There is nothing to see to show that you are expecting. Women who are pregnant it is obvious, but for those who are not, let’s face it, you do not walk around with a suitcase full of the paperwork that you are working on.

The idea of going to church this year was hard as well. (Now I preface by saying that I have no clue what happened in our church service this year because I did not go. It actually worked out with the timing of when we had to be somewhere to celebrate with one of our mom’s). But frankly I did not want to go.

Since I began going to church 10 + years ago, on Mother’s Day, all the mom’s were invited to stand in honor of the day, which is very fitting. But I got to thinking, at one point does one stand? It is when they are pregnant? When they are actually holding their little one? What about the woman who had a miscarriage this year and should really be a mom at this time? A woman who grieves the loss of a child? A woman who grieves the loss of her own mom and wants to honor her? I found this blog and it so said what I was thinking……. The writer was writing a letter to Pastors about why standing in Church on Mother’s Day could be a bit awkward for some. She pays homage to the wide continuum of mothering that takes place in this world.

Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

For those of you who know me, you know where my heart lies, it is resting or wrestling in the will of my Father.  And ,there is nowhere else I would rather be. I will admit, I have asked several times over the past few months, exactly why we are in this place.  There is not one person on this earth who could understand why we are in this place, and that is because it was created especially for us. Part of my Dad’s plan for my life.  And, while there are some women I talk with who have experienced infertility, it is still a struggle to be there.  But yet, I know (oddly enough) I am right where I am supposed to be. That is a hard thing to admit and sobering knowing I did not put myself there but I am here because of the bigger picture.

On some side notes, Michael and I have been praying about an international service opportunity together. Something that we have talked about even before we got married and one has come up. J We are in the process of raising support to go on a service trip to East Asia. (You all know the country, just playing it safe) It will happen the last week in July. Please be praying for us in regards to this trip. It will be the first opportunity for Michael to experience the culture that I have fell in love with and that has become a second home for me.

So as you can see we are working. Our home study paper work is moving along, although the 19 + attachments that came across my email were a bit overwhelming. We can talk about those another time.

Oh and if you were wondering what the Amazon link is on our blog… Well Amazon has a great opportunity for folks like ourselves to raise some funds for our adoption. If you use our link provided it will take to the Amazon home page coded for us. You can proceed as normal. 4% of your purchase will go towards our adoption. Every little bit counts to get her home.

Thank you for walking this journey along side us…….

Jennifer