If you have not
already heard, we are busy, busy, busy getting ready for our first visit of our
home study. It will begin on Monday the 18th and will cover a total
of four visits. From my
understanding, she will meet with us both initially, check out the house. And
then meet with us personally along with one last visit.
I am very excited
to meet our social worker in person. I have been conversing with her for 8
months or so now. Asking questions, gathering information. I am stoked to meet
her in person. Please pray for her, she has a big job ahead of her. God
entrusts her to make decisions for so many children and families.
Here is the
shortened version of the next steps.
While our home study is going on, we will be working on documents for
China. These will go along with our completed home study. Once we have a
completed home study then we apply for immigration. And finally our completed packet will be off to China for
their approval and a referral.
What I did not
expect to come up this week was the wide range of emotions that I have been
experiencing. Panic set in when we actually had a date. Not because I did not trust
God and the path that we are on, but the human side of me knows that we need to
be approved to be parents. Which means someone needs to come and give us
approval. The thoughts ran through my mind all weekend about what we needed to
get done, what had to be cleaned, put together and so on.
Joy for the fact
that things are kicking into high gear. This process is best described as a
sandwich. We are laying down our first piece of bread. The wait comes in the middle, once all
of our documents are in the hands of the proper officials. And then the last
piece of bread, to complete the sandwich, she will be home. Weird I Know.
And the sadness.
Weird to say I know, tears come in bucket fulls right now. In different times
as well. A very good friend of mine recently had a baby. We got to go see him. I was alone with
him in the living room, holding him and just praying over him. He was just a week old. This amazing
creation with 10 fingers and 10 toes. Thoughts began to overwhelm me as to what
is or was my daughters first week of life like. Did she have someone holding
her and praying over her? Was someone telling her she was loved? These
thoughts coupled with the fact that I was not there for that.
We came home and
well, I guess you could say I had a momentary break down. Tonight we were cleaning
out some things, and I found the baby blanket that my Grandma had made for us, and
our first child. Along in that bag I also found a matching infants hat. I was
reminded that it was not something we were going to get to use anytime soon. I have totally been battling the enemy
of inadequacy.
So as you can see,
this is a process. A process not only on paper but, of the heart. There are moments were the sheer
excitement also turn into reality of the life that I have been called to. A life that I accept with open arms.
And just as God equips those who are called to motherhood through the natural
way, he also equips those through the way of adoption. But that equipping takes
some time.
1 comment:
Hey I just wanted you to know you were not alone in this. Wes and I are having troubles having children too, so we have decided to become foster parents. If a child comes up for adoption we are fostering we are going to adopt them. We are in the middle of training right now and the in home visits start in July. To say the least our home is in the process of being cleaned and rearranged. It is a struggle, but it will be all worth in the end.
Best wishes and many prayers you and Michael,
Michel
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