4.5

4.5 months ago we met our gal. It seems to me, like I cannot remember a time where she has not been with us. Sometimes it is hard to imagine that it has only been 4 months, it is hard to imagine, that our little family of three is only 4.5 months old.

Gave my veil away, took a couple of photos before I did. 

Hosanna is doing great, overall considering all that she has been through in her short life that she has lived so far. She is sleeping well, eating great. She is speaking like crazy. I would say she probably has about a 30 word English vocabulary with some phrases, How are you, Have a good day, I love you. She loves to sing and dance. The Wiggles, Mickey Mouse (Hot Dog) and Frozen are top on her list. Along with the introduction to Veggie Tales. She is such a big helper. She likes to do laundry, help clean the table off at night and load the dishwasher. She has such a gentle spirit, giving hugs and kisses. Her facial expressions crack us up on a daily basis.

I took her to the Dr. last week and she has grown a full two inches since we have been back and gained 8lbs. A little bit of love has gone along way.

First ice cream brain freeze

It is not all peaches and cream, she is 2.5 and there are the normal 2.5 dealings. The touching everything, testing boundaries, being silly as anything when you are trying to be serious. And then there are some things that can be a bit exacerbating because how the first two years of her life were written. Being intentional is hard 24/7, but it is very important. Not only for her learning, but also for bonding. Discipline is different. There is not putting her in the corner when she is bad, We do not want her to feel like we are abandoning her. So, correction just takes more energy. And while she is getting it, it is definitely harder on us. Eye contact is essential during this process of bonding and so we are always making it a point to make sure she is making eye contact.  Food is still a hard subject. Making any meal can almost be a contact sport sometimes. When she sees food it is an instant, I have to eat. It is also very hard and stressful to be around people and food. Her first instinct is to beg for food. And because she is cute, people are open to feeding her. However, that is not necessarily what we want her to learn and we do not want to be eating from everyone.

Physical Therapy is going great for her. She is increasing the use of her arm as well as her hand. She knows just why the therapist comes and will often tell him “no” when he comes. And we have learned to incorporate therapy into everyday activity.

So as you can see, overall she is doing well. She is loving us, and getting more and more comfortable living in our house. The things that we see as issues (Some shared and some not) and actually minor compared to the overall transition of new caretakers, new home, new food, new transportation, new experiences, new everything.

As you remember, several weeks ago, I had posted about some Post Adoption Blues that I have been experiencing. I would be lying if I said they have gone away. Some of the thoughts and feelings have definitely subsided. There are some things that I am definitely coming to terms with. Mainly because they are never going to go away. We will always be noticed as a family, because we do not look like each other. We will always have the questions of “Is she yours” “Where is she from” “Does she know”. We will be stared at for the rest of our lives when we are out together. These are things that never change. And honestly, right now, depending on the day, depends on the answer given. There are some great ones, that I have given.

I still honestly wrestle with raising someone else’s child. And while, I know her mom in China, made an amazing and gut wrenching decision to let her go. I wrestle with the fact that there is a woman out there, with a hole in her being that may not be filled. And, grappling with the fact that someday our girl is going to ask about her, and we have to choose our answers wisely, because it will shape what she thinks about her mom. And while some believe that we have “rescued” her, I do not see it that way. Indeed we probably gave her a better situation to live her life in. But I do not see her as a rescue. This is something that I am still processing through, more to come.  

We are still in the throws of transition despite what people might think when they see our girl. There are moments, where trust can be broken so quickly. Weather it is through giving her some food to try that she does not like, or the right amount of comfort is not given. I pulled out the large suitcase the other night. She has not seen this since China, and it stirred her in a huge way. And then, I left to go to bible study, which made her very worried, and wrestles that night. The next morning she would not leave my side, you could see the fear of what was going on in her eyes.

I am constantly having to remind people that our transition into parent hood is not the way normal parenthood works. There are things that will take some time. There are also things that we might be delayed in just because she is not ready. And so, to all of you who assume that after 4 months she should be fluent in English, COME ON PEOPLE!! She is not even 3 yet let alone having English as a second language. For those who think that she should be potty trained right now. See the above comment, COME ON PEOPLE. Or for those who say I need to watch her attachment to me, Seriously, can you say we have only been home 4 months. It is good that she is attaching, and we are working on finding some balance. All of the above and more are probably the most frustrating part. Especially because most of the folks really do not understand adoption, and do not consider all that go into it. So I am finding a small community to chat with, as we deal with some issues. The community are those that understand. That have walked this road and that the advise or thoughts are based on their experiences or knowledge.

My job, is coming to a close and the next chapter as a stay at home mom will begin. August 25^th will be my last day at my desk. My last day engaging with people on a daily basis that love Jesus enough to say here and I send me. I have made some of the best friends in the past 6 years. I have gained a whole new family, learned so much about my relationship with Jesus, through this place. And now, I say goodbye to it.  So many people have told me just how lucky I am to be able to stay at home. Indeed, I am. It is not something that everyone gets to do. I firmly believe that we are being rewarded for our diligence in preparing for this. And, not to mention the bigger factor that this is what my girl needs right now. However, the past months that this mama has been at home, (even working part time) have been very hard. I can actually say right now, I do not enjoy being at home. I really do not like it. And I am coming to terms with the fact that this stay at home life may not be for everyone. However, with all that said, it is the season that I am suppose to be in for my girl. I am not to sure how long this season will be, but I would be lying if I said it is all peaches and cream. In fact, it is the hardest job that I have ever had. And more than likely will always be the hardest job that I have ever had.

Thank you for praying, we continue to wrestle through the gift that we have been given and treasure each day God gives us with her.

Fun with Cousins