Lessons on Parenthood

With every piece of paper that I sign and move around, It dawns on me that is one step closer to being a parent. One step closer to having her home and step closer to making our family more complete.

But it dawns on me, she will not be mine entirely. She is being given, entrusted to us for a time being. She is not ours, but ours to raise as God calls us to raise her. The reality is she is HIS and HIS alone.

Yes, she is our daughter, yes we are working tirelessly to bring her into our home. But the reality is, not matter if a child comes from your womb or from someone else’s, when God says here, please take care and raise her up for me.

I found this in the bible today: “Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west”. Isaiah 43:5- That took my breath away

As I fill out what seems like the hundreds of pages, and get together the papers to be notarized and then eventually notarized three more times. The lengths that we have been called to go to be parents. I can’t imagine anyone going through this process and taking it for granted. I am going through this process thinking, Wow my child may already be sitting in an orphanage just waiting. Her birth mom may already be in the process of making the decision to say, she needs more than I can give. Both grieving a great loss.

I have heard from people over the past couple months, several comments. I hope that you get an infant, I hope that your child is normal or your adopted child will be so lucky. And my thoughts, are, we are fine with the age that is chosen for us, to us she will be completely normal, she is our child, no label of adopted will go before her and yes she will be lucky. Not because we are pumping ourselves up in regards to rescuing her, but God loves us enough to bring her to our family and loves her enough to entrust us with her.

Maybe this is what nesting is like for adoptive parents. I hear that right before a baby is born, Women tend to nest. Cleaning, organizing you name it. In a way we are doing that here. We have been cleaning up the house and yard for our home study. We have been cleaning out our stuff, not only to get rid of the excess but also in anticipation of our upcoming yard sale (More to come), and cleansing our hearts of the junk that does not need to be there. I almost feel like I am in constant training for preparation to be her mom, and I know that training will continue long after she is here.

As you can tell, this blog will be more than just, here is what we have next. It is a journey that we will be keeping for her. In hopes of being able to give her a glimpse of HER story.

Random thoughts as I sit with a mound of paper,

Much Love and Longing, Jennifer

Do you drink a cup of joe?

As we move forward with our adoption, we recognize, not only does it take a village to raise up a child, it will also take a village to bring this child home. I say this, without a doubt that our Father will provide in crazy ways. Ways that we cannot event imagine.

And then there will be some creative things that we do to get people involved. We have some ideas coming down the pipe for a use of spare change and even some BBQ. But for now lets spill some beans.

There is a great organization called Just Love Coffee.The are the only source of fair trade, direct trade organic coffee from all over the world. They also have a program for families that are adopting. By signing up with them and setting up a store front: https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/thebowdens/. With every purchase someone makes from our store (by the way, they take care of shipping and everything) we get back about 40%. So if you are into supporting the fair trade folks and want some good coffee, with every cup you drink, she is one step closer to to coming home.

Jen

Journey Nu`Er

There are many things that I think one can learn on the adoption journey. There are so many highs and lows.

This week I have been learning about grief, Yes grief. Years ago I had spent time as a grief counselor working with Children who had lost a parent or sibling. It was a very eye opening time. But grief encompasses so much more than just losing a loved one. You can grieve over someone breaking your heart, you can grieve over things not going your way.

We spent some time this week learning about grief during the adoption process.

The gracious birth mom will grieve at the choice to give up our daughter. She very well may think about her every year on her birthday.

Our daughter very well may spend time grieving at different parts of her life. She will grieve her care takers that she currently has and the home that she had in the orphanage, she may grieve her birth family and not knowing them. And there are so many moments that we have yet to know.

And then there is the grief that we, as the adoptive parents will grieve. Why you ask? Well there are many reasons. I grieve the infant that I will not have. Why? We will be adopting a child that is not an infant. The days of initial bonding that so many experience we will not. I will not experience what it is like to carry our child for 9 months. I have been told that I can’t have children. (And while I believe my God is big enough to change his mind) for right now that is where we are at. There is the grief that comes with the adoption process, waiting for someone to tell you that you are fit to be a parent, the grief that comes in the waiting.

But we are also realistic that there will be moments that there will be moments of joy. Joy when we get our documents in, and we eagerly wait for our referral. The moment when we get our referral and we anticipate going to meet her. Oh, and then the moment that I think about, when we meet her for the first time. Ahh, what a glorious day that will be.

So there you have it, what I have learned and processed through this week. We trust in the child that has been picked for our family, regardless if we even know who she is.

And to answer the questions of where we are going? After much prayer, we are journeying a little further east to China. Nu`Er if you wonder, means daughter.

Till next time,

Jennifer