11 years ago

This post today is not about adoption, but about someone special who provided me unconditional love. 11 years ago walking her home changed my life forever, and as I reflect on all that has changed for me in the past 11 years, I reflect on the privilege it was to be her granddaughter and the greater privilege of walking her home at 4pm on April 12, 2002.

This was my little Russian grandmother who fled for greener pastures. She was an RN, a mother of 2, a woman to had a rough life but dearly loved her family. She was a woman whom my Grandfather scared enough when she came to see us there that she would take her purse in the bathroom. She had a Buick regal when we lived in NY that was 15 colors, white vinyl seats and an A track player. (She spray painted the car when it got a scratch). She was my Grandma Rollers.

When I began driving we would go to Publix together, the mall or anywhere else she had a desire to go. She would call me when I was in college to tell me that she college money for me, only to show up to a Ziploc bag of pennies. I could have cared less. I did not mind hauling her around with her wheel chair and oxygen tank. She came up with some funny names for my friends in order to remember them, instead of sour cream she said sewer cream and so much more. She made pink stuff for me, and we were afraid of her cooking. We shared our birthdays which now as I look back I miss. Her favorite place to eat was Red Lobster. If she knew she was going, she would save her stomach all day and then eat us under the table. 

My husband had the privilege of escorting her down the aisle at my sister’s wedding. She loved our dog so much that she would allow him to sneak up on the couch with her.

One birthday she told me the desire to have a string of pearls, I was in college and of course pearls were not in the budget. But I save and saved. On her birthday we had lunch together at a sweet little place and I gave her her pearls. I will never forget her face. She wore those things everywhere. To get the mail, bingo, and of course her favorite, Red Lobster. 

She fell and broke her hip. A few short months later she was gone. She had to go into a nursing home and made me promise I would not leave her alone. We did her nails together, talked about life and all that was happening.

We ended up calling in Hospice because it was obvious her healing was going to come in a way that our human hearts had not wanted. And I sat there. At 4pm on the 12^th I held her hand as she walked home, but it was also the moment that she taught me the realness of God. You see, there was a woman in the bed next to her, a preacher. That had come in a couple of weeks before with a stroke that affected her ability to speak. Her family would come and pray over here, read scripture and pray. I will never forget the silence in the room as it all took place. Her color changed and she took her last breath. Just as that moment happened, that sweet lady was singing very faintly, Amazing Grace. It was the moment I knew that HE was real. It was not all that long after that, my life drastically changed.

It was not till a couple of years later that I was able to reflect on the moment with great joy. I know without a doubt of where she is. I also know that it was a privilege to have grandparents and a grandma like her. I have n regrets about the time I spent with her or the relationship we had. I miss her dearly and wish that she was here to see all that has happened since. The traveling around the world, the Great Grandchildren she has, my wedding or even future tense, our daughter. But it was a great privilege to be her granddaughter.

It is an incredible privilege to walk someone home. I have seen new life within hours of being born and I have also seen the other end. I know that the sting of death has been vindicated on the cross and that makes it a sweet memory.

I started a tradition years ago, we celebrate her by having her favorite treat, a Cadbury fruit and nut bar.

Much love and appreciation for a life,

Jennifer