Restoring 35

I thought I would provide an update from the last blog post. The surgery went fine, thank you so much for praying. The disease had progressed more than we thought, but Praise the Lord for good medical care and a Dr. with mad skills. Hopefully the procedure will last a few years and the need for a hysterectomy can be held off. Shortly after, I got a fluid infection in my chest. So, it has taken a few weeks to finally feel back to normal and get moving again at somewhat of a normal speed.

I am incredibly thankful for our “family”. There have been so many that have provided us food, sent cards, texts, carted Michael around, spent the day with me at the Dr., came to the hospital, got prescriptions, visited but most of all showed the love of Jesus. With the exception of one or two, these were all the family that comes not from blood but, from being bought with a price at the Cross. And so while the love may have not come from those one would expect, love over bounded in others.

This coming week I will turn 35. I had the honor of sharing 24 of those birthdays with my dear grandmother. I miss the fact that we no longer celebrate together. How she would request a cheese cake, and mine was usually an ice cream cake or to die for chocolate.

But, there has also been much in my 35^thyear that have learned, endured, and am grateful for.

I have heard someone say that you really can’t claim to have wisdom especially to recognize the things of your past until you are 30. That you haven’t lived enough life to claim to know. And, as I think back to this past year, I am beginning to agree.

One thing that has been such a theme during this year is healing. Not so much the physical healing in times of sickness, but the healing of the heart. The hard stuff that requires work, thought, processing, grace, love and God. The stuff that you do not necessarily want to deal with, but know and can feel in time that it will creep up to eat you alive. It will feed on and destroy the things that you hold dear, pick away at relationships till there is barley anything left and all the while have you believe that it is nothing for you to own.

And so, I have spent a lot of energy in my 35^th year of life wanting to get rid of those things of my past and eat away, in an effort to live what the Cross says about them being no more, but also for the tangible fact that I do not want to pass them to my child. I want my house rules to truly stand for what they mean when you tell my children to be kind, respect others, love people, be honest, work hard exedra. And, in my eyes this will include all people. There is no picking and choosing based on what side of the family they come from, what I think about how they live their lives etc.

I have had to work hard on my heart to really put some things behind me. I have had to work and process on the concept of making a mends with people, really wanting to make the relationship right in the eyes of God. There are a few people, that I would love to make amends with as the bible calls,

James 5:16  Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

2 Corinthians 5:19 That is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.

But at the same time, I know that it would not be received. I know that it would not be met with the Christly love they claim.  I am left to reconcile to an empty chair, fulfilling my obligation that the bible gives, and praying with all my heart that if it is God’s will the relationship might be restored. But, also having the peace that if it is not restored on this side of heaven, there will be one less thing that God will question me about.

I will say, there is great freedom in healing your heart. Great freedom in taking the time to take care of you. Great freedom in facing those that show anything that is less than love, the love that only comes from a heart that stood before the Cross and dealt.

Thankful for the time to be restored,

Jennifer