Tomorrow we are 3!!!!!

There is much excitement in this house tonight, we put our girl to bed a little bit early, and decorated for her big day tomorrow. She will be turning 3. For weeks I have spent time cutting Mickey Mouse (referred to as Hot Dog in our house) in anticipation of our girls day. When you think, this is more than likely the first birthday for her that will be celebrated. I am very very excited for her to get up in the morning and for us to celebrate, but this has also become a processing moment for me.

There are several angles that my thoughts are wondering to.

First- Her first two years of life were very very full. She was born, and abandoned. She went to live in an orphanage. And for the next 29 months she lived there, with 200 other children and taken care of by one specific nanny along with a team of other people coming in and out. Her disability was never really addressed, and so she lived with one arm, learned how to adapt. Then we showed up. She was exposed to so many new things. A mom and dad, new food, feeding herself, new clothes, Dr’s, government offices, planes rides, feeding fish, being in a stroller, car seat, new citizenship, a new house, new bed, a room not filled with children, new toys, playing by herself, watching mom make dinner, the store, new family members, learning how to use her arm, new language, etc…. By this exhaustive list you get the picture. She left every OUNCE of what she knew as normal, for this new life. All before the age of 30 months. I am looking forward (Lord willing) to her next years in life not being as traumatizing. To where we can really walk through some of the above with her, process with her, and watch her grow.

Then there is me, I am a mom of a 3 year old, a 3 year old that I go almost 6 months ago. There is a bit of time missing there with her. And, there are days where I grieve that (it comes in waves) There are so many moments and days where I wish we would have had her early. That some of the things she experienced, I had wished I would have been there to see. Momentous occasions like first steps, first words….. You get the picture. But I am reminded, as a dear friend wrote to me not all that long ago, While I did not get to see those moments, they were seen, by the one who created her. They are not lost, and just the like the days previous to ours with her, the future is already written as well. Psalms 139 is something I read daily not just for myself, but for my girl.

Her birth Mom- Some people have said, how horrible she was to give her up. And, I have to honestly say I do not think so. I think, in hindsight, there are many other choices she could have made, abortion, putting her in a dumpster etc… Use your imagination. I am so incredibly thankful to this woman that I will never meet. She chose to give life, she chose to put her in a place where she would be found. Because of those choices we are a family. If she had changed any moment of her actions, we may not have Hosanna. So, I think about her this day and wonder if she thinks of her. Wonder how she processes knowing there is a little girl out there, produced from her womb but no longer in her care. I wonder if she thinks about the moments that she is missing, milestones, achievements, fun and snuggles. And I am sure, some are reading this thinking, she should be wondering. But that is not how it was designed so long ago. When the world was created, God did not create it with the mindset, Let me create a world with broken families, millions of kids should be parentless, kids should be abandoned, marriages should break up, and that is just scratching the surface of the craziness we see. So to her birth mom, I say thank you! The little gal you chose to allow us to have through your actions is doing amazing. And while I know that she is grieving you and all that she has been through, I am so thankful I was chosen to be her mom and given the opportunity to love her as long as is allowed.

I am excited to celebrate with my girl tomorrow and this week. We painstakingly took time picking out just the birthday gifts for our girl that she would love. We have a party planned for her on Saturday that is both a birthday and  a Welcome home. It is soooooo time to celebrate with all of those (that are local) who took part in bringing her home. Who prayed, Donated time, money, things, who were part of Team Baby Bowden. (those of you who are not local, you will be missed). It is time to throw down and celebrate just what has happened in our family.

We are about to hit the 6 month mark of being home….

Jennifer

The pictures below are from our house tonight, decorated and waiting for a certain 3 year old tomorrow. Each part you see here, minus the balloons were hand made by me.