A few weeks ago
someone said to me, “Man you are really lucky not to be pregnant and have
pregnancy wreak havoc on your body”. And my answer back was “Adoption does just
the same. May not be all physical, but the emotional toll is just as great, and
lasts way longer.” And the truth in that reared it’s ugly head in our house
this week.
I even hesitate to
write about this knowing, that It is a tender issue in which many people might
have an opinion. I have learned as I have talked with other adoptive mom’s and
it is not as uncommon as I thought it could be. After a day or two of extreme
anxiety, sadness, worry and all of the emotions that go with having children, I
think I have come to a sense a peace with it.
When we were in
China, everyone we met with asked for our email, wanting to keep in touch and
see how she is doing. We really didn’t expect much contact as the officials and
such are really not going to email us. However on a monthly basis we have been receiving
emails from the main caretaker that took care of Hosanna while she was in the
orphanage. Let me take a step back….. When we were at the orphanage, there was
a clear and definitive connection between the two of them that went deep. I
could see it in the way Hosanna was held, coddled, and the grief on this
persons face as we drove away. All of us had a sense that the connection was
deeper than just a care taker. There is clear resemblance in the pictures and
we have poured over them in the past couple of months. And so, When we were
emailed this past week, I had the courage to ask the question, “Are you
related?” and the answer of YES left us speechless.
Now, I have asked
the follow-up question as to the relation. Not to sure if we will receive an answer
or not, But in my heart I know what it more than likely is. And because there
are parts of my girls story that we are going to keep private, that
relationship will not be shared in this format. However, the YES for her
parents has definitely tugged at our hearts big time.
The first and
foremost question I needed answered from our social worker, “Could they stake a
claim to her” The answer is no. Once we hit US soil there is nothing that they
can do. That brought a huge sense of relief. One of the things with
international adoption that is so freeing is the lack of chance/ none at all of
a family member coming back to stake claim to that child. The entire 12 days we
were in China we felt like we were always being watched. Thankful that feeling
went away when we came home, however it returned for a short while this
weekend. And then my heart began to
race, is the story of her finding and such really true, or indeed did her family
member walk her into the orphanage? Oh my gosh, they watched us walk out with
her, knowing they would never see her again! And then of course 1,000 questions
that I am dying to ask if given the chance about my girl.
And on the flip
side, how do we tell our girl someday? Knowing what we know, I cannot in good
conscience hide this from her and will not. One thing we decided early on, was
to be honest with her about her story from the beginning. How is this going to
effect her? What will she think? All of those questions, will not be answered
for sometime, but they still carry a weight.
So through the
sadness of some of this, there was also a sense of relief, through the
adoption, I had prayed for any thing that we could give Hosanna to piece
together her past when she was old enough. And look at the piece that we got
for her. It is a relationship that we will hopefully be able to maintain. But
it is also one that comes with boundaries. From my professional experience I
can tell that this person is not grieving well. And so our contact will become
less frequent for a season. Not so much to punish, but to allow them time to
process. They need it.
We do not feel at
this time to do any DNA testing as some have recommended. And we will not be
calling the adoption agency, despite what some believe. Knowing what I know
about China, The implications on this person will be far greater than any that
we experience here. And because Michael and I know how to set boundaries, we
can maintain in a healthy way.
In turn, I have
had the capability to really reflect on the treasure that we were handed back
in March. We got our referral on October 28th as we sat in the
Orthopedic office waiting to find out when Michael will start walking again
from his broken leg, I was 12 days post op from my surgery, we were tired to
say the least, and there on this email was a beacon of sunshine that we had
been praying for and knew was ours. I still have nothing but thankfulness in my
heart for her family and the choices they made along with the lengths they went
to, in order to make sure she was cared for.
So I sit here and
write, thankful for answered prayers. Not necessarily answered in the way that
I thought, But answered.
Jennifer
One year ago
tomorrow, Michael’s leg was broken, I had just had surgery about 10 days before,
and we were sitting in the orthopedics office waiting to see if Michael could
start PT. It had been a long start to the fall. I remember staring into the PT
room, praying that he could go in there, and the phone rang from our adoption
agency. I hung up, and looked at Michael “Here we go, another 72 hour window”.
This was not our first go at it. We had been sent files before of sweet little
faces, with 72 hrs to decided if they would make us a family of three. We had
been clearly told, that those sweet faces were a no (for more reasons than I
have space to mention. The First No,
here you can see just how heavy our hearts were.) 
And one year
later, she has been home a little over 7 months and lives up to every bit of
her name. She truly is a ray of sunshine in our lives and we are ever so
thankful for her. She has changed a lot!!! To say the least. Growing in English
everyday, learning new activities, loves going to church, love her family,
animals, playing, singing and dancing. She has hit some great milestones that
we have had the pleasure of witnessing in these short months that we have been
together. 
