Could it be........

A few weeks ago someone said to me, “Man you are really lucky not to be pregnant and have pregnancy wreak havoc on your body”. And my answer back was “Adoption does just the same. May not be all physical, but the emotional toll is just as great, and lasts way longer.” And the truth in that reared it’s ugly head in our house this week.

I even hesitate to write about this knowing, that It is a tender issue in which many people might have an opinion. I have learned as I have talked with other adoptive mom’s and it is not as uncommon as I thought it could be. After a day or two of extreme anxiety, sadness, worry and all of the emotions that go with having children, I think I have come to a sense a peace with it.

When we were in China, everyone we met with asked for our email, wanting to keep in touch and see how she is doing. We really didn’t expect much contact as the officials and such are really not going to email us. However on a monthly basis we have been receiving emails from the main caretaker that took care of Hosanna while she was in the orphanage. Let me take a step back….. When we were at the orphanage, there was a clear and definitive connection between the two of them that went deep. I could see it in the way Hosanna was held, coddled, and the grief on this persons face as we drove away. All of us had a sense that the connection was deeper than just a care taker. There is clear resemblance in the pictures and we have poured over them in the past couple of months. And so, When we were emailed this past week, I had the courage to ask the question, “Are you related?” and the answer of YES left us speechless.

Now, I have asked the follow-up question as to the relation. Not to sure if we will receive an answer or not, But in my heart I know what it more than likely is. And because there are parts of my girls story that we are going to keep private, that relationship will not be shared in this format. However, the YES for her parents has definitely tugged at our hearts big time.

The first and foremost question I needed answered from our social worker, “Could they stake a claim to her” The answer is no. Once we hit US soil there is nothing that they can do. That brought a huge sense of relief. One of the things with international adoption that is so freeing is the lack of chance/ none at all of a family member coming back to stake claim to that child. The entire 12 days we were in China we felt like we were always being watched. Thankful that feeling went away when we came home, however it returned for a short while this weekend.   And then my heart began to race, is the story of her finding and such really true, or indeed did her family member walk her into the orphanage? Oh my gosh, they watched us walk out with her, knowing they would never see her again! And then of course 1,000 questions that I am dying to ask if given the chance about my girl.

And on the flip side, how do we tell our girl someday? Knowing what we know, I cannot in good conscience hide this from her and will not. One thing we decided early on, was to be honest with her about her story from the beginning. How is this going to effect her? What will she think? All of those questions, will not be answered for sometime, but they still carry a weight.

So through the sadness of some of this, there was also a sense of relief, through the adoption, I had prayed for any thing that we could give Hosanna to piece together her past when she was old enough. And look at the piece that we got for her. It is a relationship that we will hopefully be able to maintain. But it is also one that comes with boundaries. From my professional experience I can tell that this person is not grieving well. And so our contact will become less frequent for a season. Not so much to punish, but to allow them time to process. They need it.

We do not feel at this time to do any DNA testing as some have recommended. And we will not be calling the adoption agency, despite what some believe. Knowing what I know about China, The implications on this person will be far greater than any that we experience here. And because Michael and I know how to set boundaries, we can maintain in a healthy way.

In turn, I have had the capability to really reflect on the treasure that we were handed back in March. We got our referral on October 28^th as we sat in the Orthopedic office waiting to find out when Michael will start walking again from his broken leg, I was 12 days post op from my surgery, we were tired to say the least, and there on this email was a beacon of sunshine that we had been praying for and knew was ours. I still have nothing but thankfulness in my heart for her family and the choices they made along with the lengths they went to, in order to make sure she was cared for.

So I sit here and write, thankful for answered prayers. Not necessarily answered in the way that I thought, But answered.

Jennifer