The 3rd Trimester

Being paper pregnant there are certain milestones that take longer than others. Unlike a normal pregnancy, The “trimesters” do not move along in specific  increments. . But next week we will take another step in the journey and hit our third trimester. Our Dossier packet is done. (I talked to the courier in New York today and they were picking up my birth certificate) this is the last piece to the puzzle of 20 documents that took us over 5 months to put together. Our Dossier packet is what we need to get a LID date. (LID is Log in Date) We need a LID date to get matched.

We will send it out on Tuesday and then wait. We should have a LID date sometime in February and then we wait some more.

The thought occurred to me…… WOW this time next year I could be a mom. This time next year, we could be putting up a Christmas tree with our daughter. And that is where the emotions of this “pregnancy” comes into play.

At this point, I would need all my fingers and toes to count how many people I know who are having a baby in the coming year. I love to hear of new life, we pray for these unborn little ones daily. But there are times where it is hard as well. When you are pregnant there is a due date. By all accounts you know when you are going to be able to hold that little one. But when you are “paper pregnant” there is no due date. There is only an estimated time line. We have been at this process 1.5 years now, and I honestly struggle with hearing that people are pregnant knowing that they will more than likely see their child before I see mine, is a sobering thought. And yet, I feel lucky in a sense that I get to adopt. Having a baby is a gift, and I do not have the opportunity to feel entitled to or take for granted.

So I guess you could say I am grieving right now. I grieve the fact that she is spending another Christmas in an orphanage. I grieve the fact that she is not here to decorate or participate in Christmas. I grieve the fact that we will go to FL without her this year. It is an odd feeling to know that your child is out there, you are charged to care for them, and yet they are not within reach. I relish the day when that comes.

In the meantime we celebrate the little victories that we have. We celebrate that the paper work process for now will be at a lull. We celebrate that we are working on our house to bring her home.  We celebrate that we will make our first HUGE adoption payment on Monday (And the money is in the bank for that) We celebrate that we bought her first set of books. We celebrate that we have family and friends who are itching to love on her. We celebrate that we have a contingency of people praying for our little girl across the world. We celebrate that we have a Savior that we can put all our hope and trust in. And because of all of this, through the tears I  am able to celebrate.

I have a totally cool God story to share at a later time…..

Jennifer