The honeymoon is over

We have been home since Friday morning, touching down in Atlanta at 6:45 in the morning. She did great on the long flight, slept all about 3 hrs. It was a restless sleep but she slept. The flight from LA to ATL was another story. We were those parents with the screaming kid. It was intense at times. As we were waiting to get off the plane, someone was asking me about her, and I was telling them that she was just adopted. The man who sat in front looked at her and said “I forgive you. I hope that you can forgive me for the glare I gave you”. We were actually entertained by that.

The greeting at the airport was awesome and overwhelming. My whole office came, our friends from AL drove over to meet us, some friends from small group and some dear friends took off the day just to be there. My mother-in-law came from Griffin with some friends to meet her granddaughter. It was an incredible moment.

We got home and just relished in the fact that she was home. She ran through the house taking in all that was in front of her. Saying wow, skipping and jumping. She and the cat are working on things. He knew instantly that she was not leaving and has been trying to spend some time with her. She however is afraid of him. He is also jealous of me spending time with me. We are working on it.

Once everyone left and it was just the three of us, I sat in the hallway where she was meeting Elmo and cried. 30 months of hard labor, sweat, tears, saving, praying, seeking, dreaming was all here wrapped up in the a little bundle of sweetness. Tears of joy, tears of grief, tears for what is to come, tears of being tired. It was to much even for this mama.

But you can tell the honeymoon period of our meeting is over. The past two nights and days have been intense. Hosanna’s grief is real. It is intense. Her fears are prevalent and presenting themselves in many different ways. She is not sleeping at night at all. In the past two nights she has been up every hour and finally last night we moved her into our room at 12:30. Her room scares her. Being alone scares her despite the music, light, friends in her bed. Our days have started at 4am with breakfast taking place by 5. She wails similar to the day we left her orphanage. She misses so much, all is so new, so much has changed. Regression has also happened. She is currently self-soothing with the rocking back and forth that was disappearing with each passing day. She is not really wanting to spend time with Michael. She will not let me out of her sight.

But there are moments of joy and bonding that is prevalent. Currently, she will let us comfort her in small ways. Wanting to hold our hands while she cries, allowing me to rub her head.  This morning we got our first hugs. She actually learned how to hug from a stuffed singing dog that she got at a shower. When she got up in the pack and play for the final time at 4:30 this morning. I had her in bed with us and she laid for another hour with us. This was HUGE for her and a sign of trust building.

So baby steps are taking place despite the steps backwards. We are thankful that we are taking the next couple of weeks at home with minimal activities and visitors. It is much needed for her and for us.

This Mama knows this time will pass and eventually dissipate all together for a season. But I am also trying to be real about that fact that her heart hurts. She has had so many changes in the past 15 days. Life for her has been turned upside down and is slowly being put back together.

We appreciate all the prayers. We are thankful to know that some friends were here making sure our house was taken care of. We were thankful to find some food in the fridge when we came home and are even more thankful that there are meals coming in the next couple of weeks. It is so needed, for us and her.

More to come,

Jennifer